Cor! Worra bleedin’ racket, it’s Twisted Charm’s sparse ‘n’ scratchy instrumentation thrown casually over the top of some grumbly thunking bass, whilst some geezer scuffs and trundles pleasingly about being ‘Happy Alone’ and…hello? is that a saxophone, young man?

CaUSE CoMOTION sound cheekily, pleasingly reminiscent of something I’d find on an old tape of stuff recorded off of John Peel circa nineteen-C86, nestling bleerily between Bogshed and The Groove Farm. ‘Which Way Is Up?’ they ask. Spit and you’ll find out.

A chorus of fluting voices over one of them funking early 80s basslines must mean it’s The Klaxon’s. You all know by now that ‘Gravity’s Rainbow’ gives you that frantic bolt-down-yer-rum-‘n’-black and start skidding across the dancefloor urge. Don’t blame me if you break your neck though.

These New Puritans clearly understand that thwackingly marv drumbeat + scrapey guitars + megaphoney blown-out vocals = adorable Fallishness. Thus they employ the formula to create ‘I Want To Be Tracy Emin’. Plus! According to ‘V’ magazine (I found it at work, alright?) they have ‘an intensely handsome drummer’. Blimey.

‘I am an robot’ style clipped vocals, frantic, foolish keyboard hook, thudding bassline and a ridiculous happy happy joy joy dance break make To My Boy come over all fizzy. Their ‘Outragions’ is like doing the disco pogo with a mouthful of Refreshers. (‘It’s the fizz that makes you whizz’)

‘The Hypocrite’ is sung exclusively by bees. Oh no, hang on, here’s Theoretical Girl singing in her spooky doll voice. And it’s not bees it’s a buzzy guitar swarming over the top of a simpleton stalking bass. Sinister.

Long Blondes. Long Blondes. Long Blondes. “I just want to be a sweetheart!’ they trill. Look, you already are, love. Hurrah!

It’s The Violets! They are being brilliant! Ooh, they’re masterful, with a firm grip on those scribbling, scrabbling dynamics and that can’t-scratch-the-itch creeping bent guitar. ‘In This Way’ suggests that they’ve perfected the art of being satisfyingly unsettling.

Aww! It’s The Lodger with Ben’s heartbreak hurt voice and shining, scampering guitar. ‘Simply Left Behind’ has a chorus like the sun appearing from behind a cloud and flowers bursting into bloom. To be welcomed with open arms and a warm glow.

The Be, Be, See have a song called ‘Eye T.V.’ Is this a backwards rendition of The Stooges’ ‘TV Eye’. No. No it isn’t. Despite a somewhat irksome name, this is a pleasingly minimal wee thing, a bit reminiscent of The Vaselines and The McTells. Play those old tyme janglin’ guitars and shivery keyboard wibbles!

The Vichy Government contribute the agitatedly adsurdist ‘Elvis and The Beatles’ in which Jamie perkily narrates a tale of snide disgust across a playfully ponderous synthscape. Then ‘My New Building’ sees Navvy do Talking Heads over an industrial strength fuzz backing, one of them fashionably twangly basslines and sticks ‘n’ stones drums. The result is kind of bouncy. Next up, Wetdog sneak in to declaim multi-voiced spells over ominous bass rumbles and not much else. Blackly unnerving.

The Low Edges’ ‘Leave The House’ is snagged in a crease in pop’s trousers alongside some monstrous old Glitterbeat, bits of Mark E. Smith’s sandwiches and ‘The Passenger’. This is a good thing obviously.
Finally, aieee! It’s Mitten doing ‘Poveri Rovinatori’, the sound you hear emanating from the walls of abandoned houses and NOTHING like anything else. Mitten I salute you, but er, I’m off back to see The Lodger.

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